House of frances hoes

I write this as I plan my holiday party trying to figure out how to spend as little as possible while maintaining an opulent vibe for my guests. Think Rachel Tashjian’s linen suggestions, but from the Vermont Country Store dot com instead of Lauren Bacall’s Bonhams estate sale. Our apartment does a lot for us in the way of ambience, I will say. We moved into a long-term turned infinite sublet in Chinatown last year that was Greta Gerwig’s last bachelorette pad. You’ve seen the Frances Ha scene where she’s running down East Broadway to Modern Love after Adam Driver and the other guy tell her she’s in. That’s my living room. When we moved in, we got really high and watched the movie and discovered that the gum under the disgusting wool couch might actually be Adam’s as it is the same couch that’s been sitting there since Noah made the movie almost ten years ago.

(couch and living room pictured below)

Anyway, our apartment rocks and generally sets the tone for our parties being equally as rockin. I placed an Astor Wines delivery order (free over $150) for a case of their cheapest natural wine and four bottles of mezcal. I was thinking about making mezcal hot chocolate. Could be a disaster. We’ll see. I’ll say it again: if you think you should be invited to the party and you haven’t been…holler.

Despite all the amazing things my apartment offers, primarily compliments by strangers, I am in fact in the market for a new spot. I’d like the freedom to furnish as I please. I imagine it’s news to no one that the market is horrendous even if you are willing to stretch your radius north of Delancey and west of Bowery. In my search far and wide, I’ve discovered that Civic Center is the best neighborhood in New York. I technically live two blocks from it now and I can be at the Odeon in nine minutes. It would take me nearly 24 minutes to get there if I lived any closer to Seward Park. My Tribeca born roommate takes me weekly with her mother to what they would consider their neighborhood diner and it’s not something I’m willing to give up. We found out recently that Sue (mommy) is on a list of people that will always get a table no matter how busy. We all order the same thing every single time save some variants in martini flavor and condiments: cucumber martini, mixed green salad to start, tuna burger medium rare with fries and an extra side of mustard, mayo for Gretchen, Odeon sauce for Claude. People who have never been rarely take my advice to order the tuna burger. Idiots. This week they had a BLT lunch special with prosciutto and a basil aioli. It was unbelievable, but I’ll be going back to the burger.

Last week, I got my booster shot on Tuesday and had a 100-degree fever until Thursday. I woke up hungover on Friday, got my first IUD inserted and subsequently couldn’t move for another 36 hours. I watched all of Netflix’s new show, Maid. Some people said they cried the whole time. Others said Margaret Qualley didn’t play poor well enough. I think she did just fine, but it was Andie MacDowell (her irl and onscreen mom) who had me twisted up inside. I, too, have a trailer park living garrulous bipolar parent. I’ll get to that one another time. I’m almost finished picking out linens for the party.